


House of Nightmares

by Sephypsycologist



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Other, Reader is not Frisk or Chara, freaking heck scary skeles, more may be added later - Freeform, reader has a nickname, reader is heavy set, teeth warning (cause chompers and buddy)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-01-28 12:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12607052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephypsycologist/pseuds/Sephypsycologist
Summary: Inspired by all those wonderful fics with so many skeles living together here's one for all those spooky boys who don't get a lot of screentime in these. Of course, none of the skeles are mine.Sans has been your coworker for a while, when both of you are fired. A year and a half later, you agree to take a job caring for some of his 'relatives' and making sure they don't get into trouble. But when you meet your charges, you realize he may have been right to warn you against taking this job. How are you going to survive with all these hostile skeletons? And is there anything worth saving under those terrifying facades?





	1. Cabin in the Woods

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816140) by [Tyrant_Tortoise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrant_Tortoise/pseuds/Tyrant_Tortoise). 
  * Inspired by [The House Next Door](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9396782) by [BattleMaiden13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattleMaiden13/pseuds/BattleMaiden13). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions
> 
> Sans belongs to Toby Fox  
> Chompers belongs to sour-apple-studios

You’d been jobless for a year and a half now. And that meant you were on your last speck of savings and desperate.

Desperate enough to take a job in the woods from a literal skeleton.

Sans was your coworker, once, but you’d lost contact with him after your boss decided it was time to downsize and both of you’d been fired. With the gold exchange, monsters like Sans were already sitting pretty and didn’t need jobs. But you were on your own.

So now, so many months later you were following your good natured, punny acquaintance into what he was calling “danger times twelve.” You would have laughed had he not been entirely serious, his ever-present grin pulled taut over his skull. Now he was talking again. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but just remember that these guys are…out of towners. Very distant relatives, and hopefully going home soon.”

“Sans,” you murmur, feeling your legs begin to ache from the walk, “I told you. They could be nightmares incarnate and I’d still be saying yes. Adults, who can take care of themselves, and I just have to make sure nobody leaves the woods? Do a little shopping and cleaning?”

“it’s not that simple, cuddles.” Sans looked back at you, and you noticed how deep the gray bands under his eyes had gotten. Also, he used that blasted nickname you’d garnered at work when you’d first gotten close to Sans. You had been so tired that day and Sans had offered to make you some tea to wake you up. It’d been heaven and you’d held onto him for a solid minute in gratitude.

“Then explain, Sans. I’m not going to say no, no matter what you tell me.” You were getting tired of him doubting you.

He rubbed his sockets and sighed, “how about you’re taking care of man eaters, murderers, and literal demons?” The skeleton in front of you was exhausted, clearly, and you found yourself worried for the fourth time today. “well? You still ready to meet these ‘relatives’ of mine?”

His air quotes made you nod, “Yeah. Sans, if I don’t do this, I’m on the streets and probably dead in a year if not sooner.” You, with your anxiety medication and thyroid issues, easily tired and socially inept you, would not survive homelessness. Your chunky self would not last long alone without air conditioning in the summer or heating in the winter.

Sans gave you a look of hopelessness, “right. Those odds are still better than your odds with these guys. But I can see you’ve made up your mind.” He took out a set of keys and headed to a wall of ivy in front of you that was apparently in front of wherever he was taking you, “come on in, cuddles. And I’m sorry you got drug into this.” You were surprised when he inserted the key into a lock you couldn’t make out, then turned it and opened it with a handle covered in moss.

You step inside with Sans, a heavy aura around the…surprisingly normal looking entry hall. There were about six doorways off the hall, and then it turned a corner. Sounds of voices, soft and deep, were heard, and Sans called, “I’m back.”

Suddenly a pounding of someone running down the hall came and you felt yourself scream before you realized it. A gigantic skeleton was barreling down the hallway toward you, yelling at full blast, “YOU!” You barely had time to hide behind Sans (not effective since he was only about three inches taller than you) before the creature screeched to a halt.

“hey, papyrus, easy, I have the new human here. They’re gonna take care of all of you guys while I work,” Sans’ voice was gentle and soft, but you could feel the power of his magic for the first time through his jacket. He was TERRIFYINGLY powerful, and you realize you know nothing about how Sans really is.

What have you gotten yourself into?

This was…his brother? You’d heard him talk about Papyrus, and this was not who you’d pictured when Sans said he “has a smile worth protecting”. This guy….his smile looked like something you needed to be protected FROM. It was jagged and his long teeth were crooked and broken in places, and his sockets were tiny, giving him a very unnerving asymmetrical look.

“BUT!!” the creature in front of you drew up on himself, bones creaking worryingly, “OTHER SANS, YOU KNOW MY SANS WON’T LIKE IT…NO, NOT AT ALL.”

His Sans? What was going on here?

“he’ll just have to deal with it, paps. C’mon, cheer up. This means you won’t be alone when me and your brother go to work, right?” Sans was more focused on comforting this other skeleton than you, and if he wasn’t his brother, then this must be one of those relatives he had been talking about…who also happened to have the same name as his brother.

“YES, I SUPPOSE YOU’RE RIGHT…” the massive monster knelt down, more on your level now that he was on his knees, and smiled in a way you could only qualify as shy and lowered his voice, “Hello, human. I know my full magnificent volume is a bit much for first impressions. My apologies. I am the great Papyrus! Or…well, one of them anyway. The others tend to call me Chompers or Crooks, whichever you like.” He was fidgeting with his stained red gloves, seeming nervous as he searched your face.

It…it wasn’t right for someone so intimidating to suddenly be so vulnerable. And you felt your heart break. He was absolutely adorable, even with the disturbing absence of lights in his tiny sockets. Ugly cute, but not even that ugly. Sans turned to look at you and gave an awkward, but encouraging smile. You found your voice, “Hey, Papyrus. I’m y/n but um..." you sigh and shake your head, "Sans calls me Cuddles.” Blast your nickname, but you wanted this new skeleton to realize you weren't a threat or mean or anything.

He brightened at his name, and you swore small sparkles glinted in the air for a moment. “Oh, how wonderful. I like your name almost as much as my own.” Some distant hope lingered in the upturned corners of his mouth, “Maybe my brother will like you, too. This Sans certainly seemed happy you were coming.”

San coughed a bit, looking away and rubbing the back of his skull with a dull scratching noise, “uh, well, it’s nice to have someone besides me, you, and my brother who’re reasonable.”

Papyrus, or you supposed Chompers was a cute enough name for him, sighed and stood, “Yes, well…I do realize my own brother isn’t exactly keen on abiding by rules, especially…um, especially with our former home life. I do hope that isn’t too bothersome.”

You realized you hadn’t been fair to judge him by just a glance, and by his loudness and clear excitement. You recognized that he’d just been running to greet Sans when he scared you. “I’m sure we’ll be able to handle it together, Chompers. And um…sorry for screaming.”

He shrugged and began walking away, “Oh, it is quite alright. I’m used to hearing humans scream.”

Wait what?


	2. Dinner with Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the rest of your potential housemates. Disgusting things ensue (and something about frisbees?)

Chompers took you into another room, the first one on the left of the hall, and Sans followed behind, collapsing into a sofa. This seemed to be a living room, as there were chairs everywhere. And one of the bigger arm chairs was occupied by a hulking version of Sans. So, not only did these ‘relatives’ seem to have the same names as your new boss and his brother, but this one even looked like him…in a very twisted, altered way at least.

“hey, buddy. you doing okay?” Sans murmured to the doppelganger, and he hummed deep in his chest. It sounded like a bear.

Chompers took the helm with introductions, “Buddy, this is our new matron! Or…patron? What is the gender-neutral term?”

“caretaker would be great, pap,” Sans added.

“Right!” Chompers perked up again as ‘Buddy’ looked you over, curiosity in his deep sockets as blue and orange smoke poured from a crack in the back of his skull, “They seem to be called Cuddles, and we are not allowed to eat them, so make sure you keep that in mind so we can stop the others.”

“Eat me?!” You look at Sans, who groans and turns over. He’s not talking about this right now.

Chompers, however, cheerfully explains, “Many of us ate humans in our old homes, but that is apparently not necessary anymore, so most of us refrain willingly. The…more combative types aren’t as accommodating to the change.” He looks away and there is a slight orange blush to his cheekbones, “I do hope that doesn’t change your mind? I assure you, with my word as my bond, I will not allow anyone to harm you so long as I am near. It’s so much more fun to make friends than to eat them….” You appreciate his attempt to reassure you, but my word he’s doing a terrible job of it.

Buddy seems amused, a strange doubled chuckle coming from him, and his jaws part at the bottom middle as he garbles something in response. Chompers nods and translates, “He said you don’t have to worry about him. He’s uninterested in most everything.” You’re amazed and horrified simultaneously, now goggling at Buddy in awe.

He waves and the edges of his warped sockets crinkle. You take that to mean he’s smiling. “uh…okay,” you bumble out. “Thanks.”

Sans sighs in relief (did he really think you’d run? Well, maybe but not so quickly) and then asks, “cuddles, can ya get dinner started for me? Papyrus is at work and these guys don’t exactly like waiting on food.”

“I can help!” Chompers volunteered, and after his oath of fealty to you, you nod. Besides, someone needed to lead you to the kitchen of this daylight horror house.

The kitchen is just as normal as the rest of the actual house, and you feel the eerie atmosphere triple when you open the fridge. Animal parts are all over the shelves, and some of them have massive bite marks in the still-attached hides. You nearly vomit, but Chompers sees your expression and shuts the door, “Maybe we should start with something….vegan? Is that the word for meatless food?”

“C-Close, Chompers. Vegetarian. Vegans are like…only vegetables and fruit, no meat, no eggs or milk, and I don’t think they wear leather either,” You think it’s best to never go near the fridge again. 

Chompers starts pulling boxes of spaghetti noodles out of the cabinets (that one was full of them!!!!) and begins chattering, “My brother and our fellow housemates are voracious eaters! While I think two of them will most likely raid our…ah, meat locker, the rest will be quite satisfied with pasta. And I’m quite pleased to say it will be a wonderful way to welcome you to our home. My more comely duplicate is quite insistent that friendship spaghetti is a must for first meetings.”

Your stomach starts to settle, and you smile, “You have a nice vocabulary, Chompers.”

“Why thank you!” He sparkled again, and you were suddenly charmed once more. How? How did he do that when he was so big and gangly and spooky looking? You don’t think you’ll figure it out today at least.

Chompers turned out to be a very capable cook, and together the two of you managed to make a delicious variation on spaghetti using only vegetables. These vegetables came from a garden outside the kitchen door, which led to a strange little enclosure. It was clear someone had tried very hard to camouflage and cover up the presence of this home.  
A pot full of your bright, enticing pasta was now sat in the center of the table on a large ceramic tile, making it a centerpiece. Chompers placed his gloves on your shoulders as you finished setting out plates (eight places, wow), and said warmly, “You have done a wonderful job, human Cuddles! Now, you will meet my brother and the other inhabitants of our lovely home. I’m sure the other Papyrus will want to show you your room since you were hired by his brother.”

You realized his presence was starting to make you happy instead of nervous. You liked this change. “Sounds like a deal, Chompers.”

He nodded, then stepped out into the hallway and went back to full volume, “BROTHER! EVERYONE! COME HAVE DINNER AND MEET OUR NEW CARETAKER!”

Sans appeared in a seat and looked like he’d just been woken from a nap. He gave you a salute as the rest of your new ‘friends’ began to file in. Buddy lumbered slowly, but gave you a pat on the head with a little too much force, making you flinch. He was even bigger seeming standing, and you reminded yourself of the bear noise his humming made. He could easily take on a grizzly and win, you’re sure of it.

Behind him wobbled in something that made your soul ache and your feet scramble you back toward Sans. It was like someone had beheaded Chompers and ripped his arms off at the elbows, complete with a splintered right femur for good measure. The headless skeleton was spurting black liquid from his neck, and amazingly alive, though he leaned on Buddy’s back, tapping away with his humerus’ in what you assumed was Morse code. Sans said dutifully, “oh. Yeah, that’s buddy’s brother. We call him noodle.”

The bizarre creature perked at his nickname and began waving his arms around, the black liquid now gushing out of his neck with elation. Buddy hummed deeply and gently bopped his hand over the fountain, shutting it off for a moment and gargling out noises. This calmed Noodle down and he sat in a chair, enormously long legs folded up politely as he waved his vertebrae in a jaunty manner.

You whispered to Sans, who you were now sitting beside, “Wh-what happened to them?”

“no idea,” came the reply, “and it’s not like I haven’t asked. Buddy wont’ tell me and noodle obviously can’t. just let them be; they seem okay with whatever is going on with them.”  
It most certainly wouldn’t have been okay with YOU if things were like this, but you decide to take Sans’ advice just to make things easier on yourself for now. After all, the others were coming.

The next two weren’t nearly as alarming as Buddy and Noodle, though ominous in their own ways. A spindly skeleton with two scars running from the top of his sockets over his skull. It reminded you vaguely of racing stripes. He came in on all fours, only standing once he was through the door and folding his wrists over each other nervously as he stared at you. Chompers, who had come back into the kitchen, pats his arm, “Needles, please, no need to fret. This is our new caretaker and they are going to be our dearest compatriot in no time.”

Needles, apparently, nods and gives you a very tentative smile before his pointed, footless legs propel him into a chair. You only have time to register a shadow afterward before you nearly gag. The stench of rot and sewage just overwhelmed you.

Your eyes are closed as they water from the smell, and you hear Sans swear beside you. Chompers has pulled you close (as you can tell by the subsiding of the stench to be replaced with his somewhat pleasant warm chalky scent) and scolds the shadow, “TEDDY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU NOT TO KEEP INNARDS IN YOUR RIBS?! OUR HUMAN ISN’T AS NOSE BLIND AS YOU ARE! YOU STINK!”

“m’sorry. Not,” comes a deep, growling voice, slightly slurred. “but if that’s them, I’ll clean up. Gimme a sec.” Even the dregs of the evil odor vanish, and you’re so thankful, even if your ears are ringing from Chompers’ yelling.

Realizing you’ve been clinging to Chompers’ scarf, you release your fingers and mutter, “Th-thanks, Chompers.”

His voice is soft as he pats your back and sets you back into the seat beside Sans, “You’re quite welcome, dear friend. I apologize for his lack of hygiene; he has a habit of storing….snacks in his ribs.”

You’re guessing that means he’s one of the two that will raid the meat locker, but right now you don’t care so long as he doesn’t come back smelling like that. Needles clears his throat and manages a shrill murmur, “MY BROTHER IS DISGUSTING, BUT HE’LL CLEAN UP LIKE HE SAID. HOPE YOU DON’T MIND OUR USE OF THE FRIDGE FOR ITEMS.”

Yep, these two are going to be the worst (other than maybe Noodle) when it comes to nightmare generation. You see Sans looking you over with beads of blue magic dribbling down his skull. “uh….so you still okay with this?”

Chompers sits across from you and hums happily as he starts ladling out the noodles, and you just can’t imagine disappointing him, “Um…yeah. I can deal with this. As long as Teddy takes a bath…and doesn’t ever smell that bad again.”

Buddy nods eagerly and makes some gestures with his long fingers, and Sans chuckles, “He said he agrees. I think everybody but Needles would be grateful if that was the case.”

Needles huffed, “I WANT HIM TO BATHE TOO! BUT HE WONT’ LISTEN TO ME. IT SUCKS BEING THE LITTLE BROTHER.”

Little?! You look at Needles incredulously, “Wait, you’re younger than him?” It seems impossible that this spider-like skeleton is young in any sense.

“YES!” Needles smiles, “TEDDY IS SIX YEARS MY SENIOR!”

Chompers adds, “I am also the younger brother, as are Noodle and our missing housemate.”

“who’s missing?” came a rough voice next to you, making you jump.

Turning toward him as he chuckles darkly, you observe him while Chompers begins a lecture. “DON’T SCARE THE HUMAN!” He’s got a huge hole smashed into his skull, and his left eye light is massive and red, with a dark pupil in the middle. That’s….disturbing, at best, when you recall how soft and white Sans’ eyes are. Seems this, from the “AND ANOTHER THING, SANS” that Chompers keeps saying, this is HIS brother, his Sans.

“paps, I got it,” the new arrival assures, that scarlet spotlight never leaving your face, “but who’s this?”

Your Sans replies, “they’re your new babysitter while me and paps are at work, axe.”

“how many times are you going to call me that?” Axe growls as he leans behind you to look directly at Sans. “my name is sans, your name is sans, if we can get this right, we’ll both be peachy.”

You make a note to use his name when addressing him in the future, despite feeling the smug aura coming off your Sans. “Um…it’s nice to meet you, Sans.”

Axe jolts a bit, his smile going from tight and vicious to a confused frown, “oh. Uh…sure thing. Might not wanna say that yet, though, sugar.”

“Sans, their name is Cuddles, not Sugar!” Chompers corrects from across the table, “And I expect you to behave. As far as I’m concerned, they are going to have as many frisbees as they want.”

“pap, it’s….ugh, never mind,” Axe sighed, looking tired and annoyed. “let’s just eat and get this ritual torment over with.”

You get the distinct impression nobody likes eating together here. You can see why.

Needles and Teddy (who returns smelling decidedly less like a body dump) are eating some of the meat chunks from the fridge, and watching Noodle stick his neck into the plate and make horrid slurping noises was just as unappetizing. You think it would be best to have an open kitchen instead of…eh, family meal time. You eat what you can while trying not to look at anyone else at the table, but you still feel Axe’s eye light on you now and then. 

Mostly, you think. Was dealing with these guys worth the pay? Sans had offered you a really nice salary for this, and as much as you found him pleasant, his relatives were NOT. Well…you take that back. Chompers is a delight once you get the awkward first impressions out of the way. It’s hard for you to believe…. never mind, with Axe as his brother, you definitely can see the two of them eating humans together. Axe is horrifying to talk to, and even worse to sit by. His presence alone is making you jumpier than all the others besides Noodle put together. Noodle makes you nervous simply because he looks so WRONG and it hurts your soul.

But really, can you do this? Your apartment is okay, and your savings will last for…okay, not that long but these guys could kill you so easy. Your neck is STILL stinging a bit from Buddy just patting you on the head. You don’t like how Axe keeps sizing you up during dinner, or the way Teddy leers at you from…oh gosh he’s huge.

You hadn’t gotten a good look at the stinking hulk before, but now that you have, your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. He’s almost as big as Buddy, but his limbs and skull are a lot thicker. His lower jaw is a massive under-bite, like some rabid bulldog, and right now there’s blood dripping from between those protruding fangs. He could literally bite you in half without a thought.

And then the sun came out. Well, not literally, but figuratively in the form of the door in the hall swinging open and a jaunty voice (so very close to Chompers’ in fact) calling, “HELLO DEAR FAMILY! I HAVE RETURNED!”

Sans perks up beside you and replies, “we’re all in here, pap. I brought our potential caretaker in and they made dinner with chompers.”

Axe hissed beside you under his breath, “his name is papyrus, you ass,” but Sans either didn’t hear him or didn’t mind. Chompers, you notice, doesn’t seem to mind the nickname, so you suppose this must be one of Axe’s unique tics.

The absolute most precious smile on his face, you finally see your Sans’ brother. This Papyrus is a shiny new version of Chompers. No stains on his teeth, no broken stumps in his mouth, and big sockets that glimmered (literally) with hope. “OH! HELLO!” He sauntered over giving each of his ‘family’ a wave, then stood behind his brother, “HOW INGENIUS! I HAD NOT THOUGHT ABOUT STARTING IT BEFORE I GET HOME. BUT…EITHER WAY, HELLO HUMAN! AND WELCOME TO THE HOUSE!”

“more like the psych ward,” mutters Teddy.

Needles elbows his brother, and Papyrus continues, “I AM VERY GLAD YOU TOOK MY SEAT INSTEAD OF STANDING. NOW WE CAN BE PROPERLY HOSPITABLE!”

You are in awe. You have TWO adorable skeletons in this house now. And you will not be leaving these precious ones alone with the likes of Teddy and Axe. Sans can stay though. He’s only slightly reprehensible for allowing this to go on so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axe hating his nickname IS a reference to SSLL but I honestly think it fits him very well. He's not the type to take disrespect lying down, and being called something you aren't (he doesn't even use an axe!!) is more than a bit irritating.  
> Also, Papyrus-es are all adorable. Just all of them.  
> And Teddy is a stinky boy as always.
> 
> Sans and Papyrus belongs to Toby Fox  
> Chompers and Axe belong to SourApple  
> Teddy and Needles belong to Undertomb (on tumblr)  
> and Buddy and Noodle were made by coulsart (on tumblr)


	3. The Room at the End of the Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus shows you your room. You move in. Something isn't right.

Papyrus did show you your room, but only after insisting you finish your dinner (YOU MUST STAY HEALTHY) and showing you HIS room.

All the skeleton’s bedrooms were after the turn in the hall, with Papyrus and Sans taking the two on the corner. Papyrus’ was on the left side of the hall and he opened the door, “STEP INSIDE, DEAR HUMAN, AND BEHOLD THE IDEAL EXAMPLE OF A SPOTLESS ABODE!”

You do as he suggests and smile. The room is childlike, but it’s clearly his. There are carefully arranged action figures on a table, a massive pirate flag on the wall, and a large bookshelf on the same side as the adult-sized racecar bed, and an ancient computer on the right side with a…box of bones???

Papyrus strikes a pose in the middle, “AS YOU CAN SEE, HUMAN CUDDLES, THIS IS MY ROOM! THE CLEANEST AND MOST COOL ROOM IN THE HOUSE!”

“SECOND ONLY TO MINE!” comes Chompers from the hall as he passes by.

“AND MINE!” chirps Needles from somewhere else in the house.

Papyrus sighs and calls, “WE SHALL AGREE TO SHARE FIRST PLACE, YES?”

“YES!”

“AGREED!”

You smile. As bad as dinner was, hearing the boys do this fond banter was making you more at ease again. Papyrus beamed as you looked around, “TAKE IN THE GRANDURE TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT, MY NEW COMPANION! YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO PERUSE IT OR HIDE SHOULD YOU FEEL UNSAFE.”

He lowered his voice, pulling you into the center with a slightly guilty expression, “I know it won’t come to that, but Sans insisted I say it. I assure you, Cuddles, our housemates are safe to befriend, though Teddy and Axe-Sans are rather angry at being kept here. I don’t understand it, but my brother says it’s for the best.”

You frown slightly, asking, “Papyrus, where did they come from if they had to eat people? What kind of place is that desperate?”

“That….” He fidgeted a bit, then sighed, “it isn’t my place to say. Sans could tell you, but it is up to him when. Just…give him a bit of patience, if you please.” His smile returned very slightly, “My brother is known for keeping his secrets, but he has a good soul and only wants to help, in the end.”

You give his arm a reassuring pat, “Don’t worry, friend, I gotcha. I already wanna help you and Chompers out big time, and Sans is my buddy. I’ll have this house hopping in no time.”

“I DO NOT WISH FOR THE HOUSE TO JUMP, BUT I SUPPOSE THAT IS IMPRESSIVE!” Papyrus let his volume return to normal (for him), “AND PLEASE REMEMBER, EVERYONE HERE IS AN ADULT,” he turned toward the hall, “SO THERE WILL BE NO STRIPED SHIRTS AROUND HERE. NO MATTER HOW INNOCENT OR NAÏVE YOU TAKE US FOR.”  
This makes you laugh. Papyrus is quickly becoming your favorite skeleton, though he does have to share with Chompers.

When you’re shown to your own room, it’s very plain. White sheets and pillowcases on a white bedframe, white nightstand and lamp, white walls. “I APOLOGIZE FOR THE STERILE APPEARANCE, BUT WE WERE UNSURE WHAT SORT OF HUMAN WOULD ACCEPT THE POSITION. EVEN THOUGH SANS WAS GOING TO ASK YOU FIRST BEFORE OPENING IT TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.”

You’re very glad the general public was not getting involved with these guys. “No worries. I’ll decorate it myself when I bring my stuff from home. It’s gonna be a real relief not to have to worry about rent anymore, so a little decorating is fine.”

Papyrus is pleased, clapping his hands together once and nodding emphatically, “OH GOOD! I WILL LET YOU GET SETTLED WHILE SANS AND I GET SAID THINGS.”

Huh?

Papyrus and Sans return in mere moments, each carrying the boxes you’d left in your old apartment in anticipation of accepting this job. You’d been wondering how to get your things this far out in the woods, but magic seemed to solve a lot of problems these days. 

Papyrus carried his boxes by hand, very gentle and clearly incredibly strong as he has boxes full of heavy books in one hand each. Sans, however, had one tiny box and was floating it with his magic. “hey, cuddles. We’ll just put all your stuff in here and let you get to it. No need to thank us.”

“SANS, YOU BARELY DID ANYTHING,” Papyrus huffed, setting his boxes down and going out into the hall for more, apparently. “YOU JUST TELEPORTED US THERE AND BACK AND CARRIED THAT ONE THING!”

You chuckle and take Sans’ box, enjoying the soft, cool tingle of his magic lingering on your fingers as you unpack it on the new bed. “You’re both great, though I had thought I’d get one more night at the old place.”

Blue magic beaded on Sans’ head, “well..we, uh, wanted to make sure you got settled as soon as possible.” You know that means he has ulterior motives, but right now, you have your things, Papyrus is adorable, and Chompers is peeking in from the hall, so you just smile and start unpacking.

Taking this as a sign, Sans teleports away (wow what a guy) and Papyrus enters with more boxes, Chompers apparently bringing in the last of them.

“HUMAN!” Chompers exclaims happily at full volume before catching himself, “I’m very glad to hear you're spending the night. It will be like an endless sleepover!"

“It will, won’t it?” You beam up at him as you take one of Papy’s boxes and open that along with the one Sans brought. “And not having to deal with most of the furniture is great, too.”

The two skeles help you set up your bookshelves, and then you’re pretty much set.

“Okay, boys, you go do your thing, and I’ll be out for a full tour of the house in about….maybe two hours?” You look at them, and both nod and salute you.

“WHATEVER YOU WISH, HUMAN CUDDLES!” Papyrus responds.

“We’ll be waiting!” Chompers adds, his happy sparkles making an appearance again.

You get to work, and manage to make your time limit almost to the second. Your posters are hung around the room, your colorful striped bedsheets on the bed, and all your books and knickknacks littered on every surface. Satisfied, you head out and yelp when you see Axe standing in front of your door.

“sorry, sugar. Was just wondering what was going on in there. ‘s been an empty room this whole time, what with nobody wanting to be at the very end of the hall like that.” His single eye light narrows slightly as his smirk tips higher, “kind of traps you, doesn’t it? Ya gotta get past all of our rooms before you can get to the outside doors.”

You hadn’t realized this fact until now. You were stuck here. There was no way you could take even one step outside without at least one of the skeletons hearing you walk by. Human footsteps were so different from skeletal ones, and as the realization flashed across your face, Axe chuckled, “I thought so. But anyway, my brother is looking forward to showing you around. It’ll be a scream.” He waved and walked off, whistling through his teeth to some eerie tune.

You walk after Axe once you lose sight of him. Hopefully, your room placement was simply because it was the only empty room. Sans wouldn’t trap you here against your will.

Right?

Well, YOUR Sans probably wouldn’t. You aren’t sure about Axe. You are rather sure that Chompers and Papyrus together make adorable bookends, though. The two of them are reading at opposite ends of the sofa, legs folded up to support their books, direct mirrors of each other. Buddy is back in his chair, and he hums when you walk in and give him a thumbs up. You like Buddy even if he’s tied with his brother for spookiest looking; he’s chill. 

“HUMAN!” Papyrus drops his book and leaps to his feet. “ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR TOUR?”

“Yep, give me the works, boys.” You open your arms in a helpless fashion, knowing you’re likely to be literally dragged around. 

The both of them hopped up and Chompers exclaimed, “Then let us be your guides!” They each looped one arm into yours and the three of you somehow walked abreast out of the living room. (how though? The door is only one person wide? For that matter how did Buddy…nevermind, he looked enough like Sans he could probably teleport too)

“HERE IS THE GAME ROOM!” Papyrus said, gesturing to the door on the left, just past the one to the living room, “WE HAVE PRETTY MUCH ALL THE LATEST DOODADS FOR VIDEO GAMES AND COMPUTERS AND SUCH.” You saw he was right. The latest game consoles were lined up under another large television in a black cabinet, flanked by enough game cases to make your mouth open a bit in awe. There were even a couple of handhelds charging on the computer desk by the wall, with the set up looking absolutely top of the line.

“It’s very handy when one becomes bored,” Chompers added, patting your arm for some reason, “The puzzles online are fascinating, even if they lack any physical elements.” You’d played Professor Layton before, so you couldn’t argue with him there. Puzzles could be absolutely diabolical even in just two dimensions.

“YES, I HAVE TO AGREE! IT DEFINITEY INSPIRES ME TO DO BETTER IN MY PUZZLECRAFT!” Papyrus concurred, then steered you around toward the door across the hall. “THIS DOOR IS TO THE STORAGE FOR OUR GARDEN SUPPLIES. IT’S NEAR THE KITCHEN SO WE DON’T HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRANSPORTING THINGS.”

“I like gardening, and so does Buddy,” Chompers added. “He likes growing flowers more than vegetables, though. They certainly are pretty, and some are even edible! I read that somewhere, and it was a whole new world of flavors!” He shared a look of glee with Papyrus that warmed your heart. It was clear these two had become best of friends despite their brothers being at odds.

They showed you the huge bathroom (last door on the left) and then headed toward the hall. “Wait,” you said, trying to dig in your heels, “What about that last door on the right?”  
The two stopped, sharing nervous expressions. They could honestly be twins and it wouldn’t’ surprise you. 

“Well…” 

“THAT IS…”

You knew this dance already, figuring it was another thing you could add to your list of ‘skeletal mysteries’ along with how their eyes worked, “I get it. It’s something Sans wants kept secret. Okay.”

“WE’RE SORRY!”

“They do mean well about it, dear human.”

You squeeze their arms with your own, “Ooooh, don’t feel bad. Sans is a mystery and if he wants to be all sneaky about things he just can. I don’t care.” At this moment, you really don’t! You’re having too much fun with these two. “I’m just glad you guys are here. I wouldn’t have stayed if I hadn’t met you two.”

“REALLY?”

“Why?”

“Because,” you take a deep breath and bring out your biggest smile, “As much as I like the salary Sans is gonna pay me, and how cool it is to not pay rent, Teddy really grossed me out!” Axe was also a big reason you thought about going, but you aren’t going to say so in front of his sweet brother.

“OH YES, US TOO!”

“Deplorable! That’s why your room is next to my brother and me!”

You freeze and get dragged as they walk into the bedroom hallway. Your room….is next to Axe’s?! Well, better than Teddy but…wait, is it really better? It did explain why he was right outside your door.

You hear Papyrus and Chompers explaining the layout of the rooms.

Sans and Papy have the right and left first rooms respectively, and each set of brothers has the room directly across from each other down the hall till your own. Second rooms are Buddy and Noodle, then Teddy and Needles, Axe and Chompers, then you.

“Oh!” Chompers tells you as you arrive at your door, “You are welcome to come in anytime, human Cuddles. Unless the door is locked, then you can’t, but it’s only locked when…well, never!”

“YES, I MAKE IT A POINT TO NEVER LOCK MY DOOR EITHER JUST IN CASE SOMEONE WERE TO NEED TO COME IN. IT’S A VERY WELCOMING GESTURE, I THINK.” Papyrus looks at you expectantly.

“Yeah, I agree but…” You look to the side, “I’m not that open with my privacy, so you guys can come in, but only if the door isn’t locked, which it will be when I go to sleep at night or I’m not in it.”

Chompers and Papyrus both lift you up and squish you between them in a hug.

“Don’t worry, human!”

“YES, WE UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY!”

“Y-you do?” you wheeze out.

“OF COURSE.”

“Human customs are still strange to most of us, but,” Chompers waits for a nod from Papyrus before continuing, “we understand a lot of humans are afraid of the dark and unknown. You aren’t familiar with us yet.”

“AND THUS YOUR FEAR PREVENTS YOU FROM BEING OPEN.” Papyrus finished with certainty, “BUT WE, BEING FRIENDLY AND UNDERSTANDING MONSTERS, KNOW IT ISN’T PERSONAL. SO WE WILL BE HAPPY TO BE PATIENT AND WAIT TILL YOU ARE FEELING COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO UNLOCK YOUR DOOR AT ALL TIMES, EVEN IF YOU END UP LIKE OUR BROTHERS AND NEVER GET THERE.”

So Axe and Sans always lock their doors? Good to know. “Thanks, guys. I’m gonna feel right as rain in no time with you two around.”

They both blush orange (though Chompers is slightly dark and dulled you notice in comparison) and “nyeh” softly in embarrassment. 

You enjoy it immensely.


	4. The Boogeyman cometh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first night and things already get more crowded

The night brings quiet to the house.

You’ve already done your routine of bath, brush teeth, toilet, and now you’re headed back down the hall. You smile as you pass Papyrus’ room, hearing soft snoring from inside. What a cutie.

You also hear a creaking sound and very deep snores coming from Buddy’s room as you pass. Poor big guy, you really hope he can sleep well.

And then you pass Teddy’s room and nearly gag. Oh stars, his room smells terrible. You rush across the hall and hear Needle’s breathing behind his door, but at least there’s no smell. 

And now….You rush past with a soft “goodnight, chompers” and scuttle into your room, locking the door.

You made it! Sighing happily you flop down on your bed in your jammies and grin. A nice bed, a clean room, and no more Teddy stink. Maybe one day you’ll be brave and go force him to clean his room, but you aren’t planning on that anytime soon. Right now you’re just happy to wriggle under your covers and close your eyes. Peace at last.

 

As you sleep, there is a meeting going on in the living room.

“why should we trust them?” Axe hisses softly to Sans.

“i got to work next to them for two years. they never gained any lv or exp the whole time, and their soul is clear. plus, you saw how happy they’ve made our brothers.” Sans rubbed his sockets.

Teddy chuckled softly, “usually, i’d object, too, but…it’s funny watching them turn green. i’ll leave them alone just for that. You’ve got my vote, sans, and the big guy made it clear he’s for them, too.”

Axe huffed, “he didn’t have to growl at me. I get it. You’re all convinced.”

They all jolted out of their conversation as something pulsed magic.

Sans ran out of the room, “that was the machine!”

There was no need to say more, as the others all teleported after him.

 

You woke up slowly, unused to such a long time sleeping. You’d been so anxious over your lack of work lately you’d been waking up four or five times a night.

You shuffle your sleep shirt down and your pants up from where they’d crinkled into your rolls. Ugh, the joys of being heavy. But anyway….

You open your door and see all doors in the hall hanging open. And you mean all of them.

“Uh, guys?” you call, and suddenly Needles rockets around the corner and pounces on you.

“SHH, HUMAN.” He yell-whispers, “SOMEONE IS IN THE HOUSE AND WE ARE LOOKING FOR THEM.”

You whisper back, “Needles, what kind of person is this?”

“WELL,” the spindly skeleton looks around, “HE IS ANOTHER SKELETON, BUT HE HAS MORE LV THAN ALL OF US PUT TOGETHER!”

You freeze. LV means level of violence. You’re pretty sure, if this person has more LV than these guys all together, he’s dangerous as heck.

“Needles?”

“YES HUMAN?” he tilts his head.

“Will you stay with me?” His eye lights spark and he hugs you close and lifts you up in his arms.

“OH OF COURSE! I’LL END HIM IF HE TOUCHES YOU,” you’re still surprised how easily they can lift you like this. “BUT WE WILL HAVE TO STAY HERE. I WAS SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE HALL FOR ANY ACTIVITY.”

“Okay,” You lean against his side for support. 

Needles takes you into the hall and sits down, crossing his legs and sitting you on his lap. “NOW THERE ARE FOUR EYES WATCHING FOR THE INTRUDER!” He let his head rest on yours, long arms wrapped around your waist as he hums softly.

As nervous as you are that there’s a maniac loose, you can’t help but enjoy being held. Needles seems happy with his role in all this. And even though you just met yesterday, you’re too charmed by how pleased he seems as he holds you to get mad. He’s not the one you’d be nervous about anyway, despite his penchant for raw meat.

You let Needles continue to hold you until you get hungry. “Needles, babe, I need to go eat breakfast.”

“OH!” He stands and sets you on your feet, “OF COURSE. GO EAT, DEAR HUMAN, AND I WILL CONTINUE STANDING GUARD OVER OUR ROOMS. I BELIEVE THE HOUSE IS SECURE AT THIS POINT.”

 

So you make your way to the kitchen and are quite surprised to see Sans in there, staring at the inside of the fridge. “Oh, hey, Sans.”

He turns, and you tilt your head. His eye lights look different today…more red, and his left one has a blue ring in it. “hey…”

“Um, Needles said you’d been looking for an intruder, did you find him?” You start getting stuff out for cereal as you talk, “And are you cold? Your hood isn’t usually up.”

“heh, yeah, chilled to the bone,” he chuckled with a strange tone. “and we found him. No worries.”

You nod and brush past him. A bunch of dust lifts off his jacket and you cough, “G-gosh, man, did you have to look in the attic? All that dust….”

He stiffens as you grab the milk and shut the door to keep the cold in, “um….”

Muttering something, he pulls his hoodie down over his eyes and stands there, smile gone. It doesn’t bother you, so you reply without saying anything, “Nevermind. It’s okay, my dude. You can always wash your clothes. Or I’ll do it, if you want.”

“you’d do that?” he’s quiet, almost untrusting.

“Uh?” you finish pouring the milk into the Coco Crunchies you’d put in your bowl. “Sans, dude, you hired me to help you take care of this place. If you need laundry done, I’ll do it…uh, except Teddy’s but that’s kinda obvious since he smells like death.”

A harsh bark of laughter breaks out of Sans and you frown at him, “well, I can’t argue with that. At least the death you know about, buddy.” He steps over and raises his hood just as he gets next to you, those odd eye lights making you feel slightly uncomfortable. “you’re a lucky human, you know? Paps likes you. matter of fact, so do i. I’ll see you around.”

Then he disappears with a zap of magic that feels…wrong. You’re confused, but go about your business. Skeletons are really weird.

 

Your charges are all back in the house by the time lunch rolls around, for you at least. Needles has kept you company all day and he’s revealed himself to be surprisingly cautious and curious at the same time. He helped you make a list of chores that needed doing in the house and a meal schedule so you could keep on a routine, but you’d had to convince him you weren’t trying to trap him when you asked him to go out into the garden for some vegetables. 

Around one, Sans comes in, looking exhausted, and…his jacket is clean? “Did you wash you jacket since this morning? I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“huh?” He looks at you quizzically, “what do you mean?”

“This morning when I got breakfast. I told you your jacket needed washing because it was dusty.” You see his eye lights go out.

“cuddles, i haven’t been in the house since two this morning.”

“Then that was!!!” You gasp and feel yourself go pale. “OH stars, Sans, I talked to a murderer.”

“you talk to one every day now, babe,” comes Teddy’s low growl as he too walks in, not stinking for once. “several, in fact.”

You glare at him as scared tears come out of your eyes, but huff and try to hold yourself together. “He said he liked me…and that Papyrus did, too.”

Sans is sweating magic bullets, but he seems bolstered by that information, “okay, that’s a plus. um….dunno how he saw my bro, since he’s at work but….ugh…”

Axe sidled in looking irritated, “sans, just drop it. He knows there’s a human here, he knows where we live, we’ll just have to keep an eye out. Not like any of us sleep much anyway.”

You’re about to ask how dropping the search for a killer skeleton would help anyway when you’re picked up. Teddy is sniffing you.

“Uh….wh-what’s….why are you?” you can’t help but wonder.

“your fear….’s different than I’m used to.” He sets you down, surprisingly gently, then winks, “kinda like it.”

“BROTHER!” You jolt as you hear Needles calling from down the hall, “DON’T FLIRT WITH THE HUMAN! THEY CERTAINLY DON’T LIKE YOUR SMELL AT ALL.”

Teddy rolls the red dots in his eyes, then sighs and nods, “kay, I won’t flirt….much.” He laughs darkly and wanders off.

You are more than a little weirded out by him now.

 

Today you start on the chores list you and Needles made, anything to keep your mind of all the various horrible things you could otherwise be thinking about.

And your helper is Noodle. You notice he’s got a red ribbon tied around his neck and it’s somehow stopping the goop form coming out. “So, um….Noodle, we’re going to try and clean out the couch and chairs first. Can you take the cushions outside and smack the dust out of them for me?”

Two large orange hands suddenly appear and take the cushion off the couch. You gasp, then look at Noodle, who is bobbing his neck eagerly and wiggling his humeruses in that general direction. “Oh you can make hands with your magic! That’s good. Maybe with a little help we can figure out how to get you a…less messy way to eat, too.”

You notice these hands have holes in the palms. Weird, but cool. “Okay, Noodle, my friend, here we go!” He rattles his bones with elation (thought it’s a bit muffled since his shirt seems to have fused to his ribs) as the two of you head to the garden to beat the dust out of pillows for a while.

Buddy is in the garden with a watering can when you get there, rumbling tunelessly as he tends the plants. You smile at him when he looks up, his eye lights becoming happy lines as he gurgles a greeting to you and his brother. “Hey, Buddy. Hope you don’t mind us cleaning out these pillows out here. We just thought the dirt was better suited outside.”

His jaw clicks a bit, but he seems pleased enough and returns to his watering. You realize you’ve never seen him move much other than into the dining room. Was he even involved in the search this morning?

Noodle is using one hand to hold the pillow and the other to smack dirt out of it, standing in such a way that you’d guess he’s have his hands on his hips if he had any real ones. 

Yeah, him and Buddy won for creepiest overall appearance out of the housemates, but they were also the most harmless in actual mannerisms thus far. Except maybe Papyrus. 

Unbidden, you wonder how that intruder knew Papyrus liked you. It makes you shiver a bit.

Then again, apparently Chompers is also named Papyrus…and Noodle and Needles….wow that’s a lot of same-name syndrome going on.

Either way, you try to shake that off and get to smacking your own cushions to clear them up for replacement on the sofa.

 

Sans jolts when he hears that cold version of his own voice behind him, “hey there, clone boy.”

Turning slowly he glares at him, “hello….uh…what should I call you?”

“try dusty,” he gives a hissing laugh, and some cold force passes over Sans. He shivers.

“okay…dusty. Uh…what are we doin’ here? Like…are we going to fight or are we going to be okay?” Sans wasn’t letting his guard down around this guy, not at all.

Dusty’s eyes follow something Sans can’t see for a while before answering, “well, if it was up to me, everybody here’d already be exp for me but…pap likes it here. So….i’ll behave till we can get home. Or pap changes his mind.”

“and the human?” The cold spot drifts back towards Dusty.

“won’t bother them. Paps thinks they’re cute and wants to keep them. Heh, but I think you do, too, am I right, mr machine?” Dusty’s mismatched eyes go wide as he sneers. “the fact you asked at least means you care. Heh, weakling.”

“call me what you like, just don’t hurt them, please. They’ve never hurt a soul and aren’t our….anomaly,” Sans has his hands up in a placating gesture, trying reason.

Dusty reaches up as if taking something out of the air, then pets whatever it is like a cat. Sans realizes this skeleton is certifiably insane. “okay. Fair enough. I won’t be living here, though. Just…going to be around. later.” And with that he vanishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dusty isn't mine, he belongs to ask-dusttale (on tumblr)
> 
> And we get more time with the babies being domestic


	5. Non-Canon: Raid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A non-canon snippet to hold you guys over for the holidays.  
> Because after watching the latest animatic from Horrortale, I had to write something.

Axe held you down and waited. There were humans all over the woods, looking for Dusty and endangering everyone in the house. His single lit socket was fixed on you, though, even as you looked directly up and listened to the footsteps on the floor above your hiding place.

You felt more than saw the change in his expression, that intense look after teleportation changing to something else, the air getting less tense and more close. “hey.”

His whisper brought you attention to him. What was he doing talking at a time like this?

“they moved on. i might be half blind and all crazy, but i can still sense souls,” he was still being quiet, just in case, which you appreciated. Especially given the tight quarters around the two of you, his knees on the floor and pressing tightly in around your hips. You’re surprised he’s comfortable like that, but then again, the flesh of your thighs must feel nicer than the dusty floorboards beneath you.

“What is it, Sans?” you whisper back. “They could find us any minute.”

“they won’t. magic shielding, cupcake,” he cooed softly, and you realized there was a black liquid pooling around his teeth. “you know how long i’ve been waiting for a chance like this? With you just helpless beneath me?”

“Sans, really? Now?” You knew he’d been watching you, but this? You couldn’t help but be annoyed.

“not like that,” his eyelight is small and shaky. “though i wouldn’t mind that either. no….i mean this.” He leans down and BITES your shoulder, and you barely stop yourself from screaming at the pain. You know he at least made a big scrape across your skin, and you want to knee his crotch for it but that’d just leave you with a sore knee.

He makes a thick, wet swallow right next to your ear and comes up for air, blood dripping and mingling with that black gunk (you feel even angrier when you realize he got that gunk in your blood). His eyelight has become hazy and much larger, a bizarrely dreamy expression on his face, “that….was worth it. even if things all reset, there’ll always be that little bit there now.”

“Reset?” you’re confused, and also your shoulder HURTS LIKE HECK, “What the freak, Sans, you just bit me.”

“heh…ate part of you, too, but that’s blood under the bridge now. here,” he pulled a monster candy out of his pocket with magic since he still had your arms pinned above your head with his hands. “there’s something….different, about you. of course, I like you, who wouldn’t, but…who knows how long we’ll be here? How long till we all…go home?” He growls that last word, clearly not liking the idea.

“I don’t care, you can’t just eat people!” you protest, and get the unwrapped candy shoved into you mouth. He’ll pay for this, you swear, you’ll put so much itching powder in his britches. So you glare at him while he keeps talking.

“soon enough I’ll never see you again. so I accomplished two things with that love bite,” he smirks, “i gave you good reason to hate me, and I made sure you’re part of me forever. you don’t get hurt thinking I’m safe, and I don’t have to give you up even after I’m dust in the wind.”

“I don’t hate you? I’m just worried about the black gunk from your mouth and the fact you decide to do your creepy bonding bites in the middle of a raid?” you’d long expected Axe to do exactly this kind of messed up attempt to push you away, but for Chomper’s sake, and for the fact you actually liked his black humor and some parts of his day to day personality, you weren’t going to let him win.

He blinks in surprise, absently wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “uh….what?”

“Sans, you’re from a place where eating people is normal. I’ve been waiting for you to try this for weeks.” You sigh, feeling your shoulder heal completely and the pain stop. “All you did was relieve the tension between us. I care about your brother too much to hate you, and I care about you and know you too well by now to let you shoot yourself in the foot like this, so to speak.”

“you don’t know me at all, kid,” he murmurs, looking both bored and regretful about it.

“No, not as well as I’d like to, but I do know you’re really prone to pushing away anybody who’s trying to be kind to you,” you return, watching his frown tighten. You were on to him, “Even your own brother can’t do anything for you just to show he cares. You shove it away and continue on in your lonesome world. Nobody can survive alone, Sans. Not healthily anyway. You’re not back home right now, so why not enjoy it while you can? Let go for a little?”

He sighs and breathes through his nasal cavity a few times before letting himself down and relaxing into your body. “geeze, cupcake. fine….shit you’re soft.”

With your arms free, you feel the spot he bit you at. Not even a ridge of scar tissue. Magic was wild, “Yep. And you’re not.”

“nope,” you realized how rough and discolored his bones were now that he was finally close enough for you to examine, even as his fragile, sharp ribs pressed into you through his shirt and jacket. “more ways than one, in fact.”

Choosing to ignore the possible innuendo there, you try to relax. The men will leave when they can’t find Dusty, and until then, you and Axe have little choice but to remain in this hiding spot beneath the floors.


	6. Dawn of the Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get around to some chores and have fun with the boys

You cringe as you take out the milk again. You really need to ask Sans about bringing home a fridge that is only for human safe food. That is the last time you’re going to stare at a half gutted rabbit while looking for breakfast.

But it’s good enough for your companion this morning. While you’re making peanut butter toast, Teddy is crunching away on some animal’s hind leg. “Teddy?”

“mn?” he looks at you quizzically, sort of amazed you’d interrupt him eating.

“Why exactly did you and your bro eat people anyway?” You’d been wondering and had no brain filter this early.

He swallows thickly and states, “couldn’t help it. some kinda craving we just couldn’t fight. Not our choice, but it wasn’t like we got healthy normal people often. mostly corpses.” Then he tosses the rest of the meat into his mouth and gulps it down whole. You’re too tired to care and just yawn and pour yourself a glass of milk.

“Okay. You still get that?”

Shaking his head slightly, he glares at the table and taps on it with his bloody fingers, “weird, but no. ‘s like….meat, sure, but not human. guess whatever makes us want it doesn’t exist here. just….poof, cured. ‘s weird.”

You smile as your toast pops out of the toaster, “That’s good to know. Now I only have to worry about Axe making me into finger sandwiches.”

Teddy laughs at that, and you applaud yourself for the pun. 

“y’know, though,” Teddy smirks a bit as his voice gets velvety, “there’s more than one way to crave human.”

“Teddy, ew, I’m trying to bond with you, stop,” you sit at the table and push his face away from you by his forehead. Your hand is amazingly tiny in comparison. He just chuckles and actually uses a napkin to wipe his hands and face.

“okay okay. You win, cuddles. For now. Bro and the jogging crew will be back soon anyway.” He gets up, but instead of instantly going he stares at you a minute…..and then presses his claw just a bit into your nose. “boop.”

You squeal with laughter and he hums to himself as he leaves. Skeletons are weird, but even stinky smelly skeletons are fun apparently. At least when you’re still half asleep.

 

Today’s chores have you vacuuming the living room, now that you’ve freshened up the chairs and sofa. You’d finished with the cushions and vacuuming out the undersides earlier in the week, same with the dusting and cleaning of the shelves here. All that was left to do was the floors. 

It seemed today was one of the days when no one had anything to do, because most of the household was in the game room or here.

Needles, Sans, Teddy, and Chompers were playing some sort of racing game in the game room (you could hear some spectacular crashes) and Axe was…watching you. While you cleaned. Papyrus had gone to work, and Noodle and Buddy were in the garden having fun (somehow???)

Axe’s ratty, stained pink slippers bounced slowly as his eye followed your movements. You did your best to ignore him, since you had things to do. You’d vacuum here, then every other room in the house you could get to. Vacuuming was easy enough and you sort of enjoyed the blank drone of the machine. It let you zone out and feel blissfully void.

Even if it did make your back hurt and your body just a little too warm.

“why try so hard?” Axe’s voice shakes you out of your cleaning zen.

“Huh?”

He smirks a bit, “had your guard down. not a smart move, cupcake.” You roll you eyes and he laughs a bit before continuing, “I wanna know why you’re actually doing anything for us.”

“Uh…” you blink, probably looking at him like he’s lost his mind, “It’s literally my job? And I want to make your brother and Pappy a nice house?” You think about it a minute, “Actually, all of you guys deserve a clean house. Just cause you went through hell before you got here doesn’t mean you have to live in a pig sty.”

He blinks quickly about three times, sockets wide with surprise, but then snaps back to disinterested, “ugh. Figures. Classic always attracts the lovey dovey type. Just know that if things go south, even with how much he seems to like you, my brother and I wouldn’t hesitate to literally butcher you. none of us would, except maybe classic’s bro.”

Ugh, this again? You gave him the same unamused glare you had every time he brought this up. “Sans, that’s the fourth time you’ve reminded me. I get it. You guys aren’t the sweet, generous monsters we know around here. You aren’t like my skelebros. That’s fine.”

He seemed put out by that answer, since he looked away from you, but he still stayed in place, bouncing his foot in a quicker rhythm. But at least he didn’t bother you anymore as you moved around the room.

 

You had your bandanna around your mouth and nose. You had your rubber gloves on over your long-sleeved shirt. You had your pants tucked into your snow boots. You were prepared to clean the boys’ rooms.

By now, Papyrus has come home and he and Chompers are peering over your shoulder into Sans’ room. You had asked if he would let you clean it, and he chuckled and opened the door for you with a “good luck, kiddo,” before leaving.

Papyrus scoffs as he spots the piles of dirty socks, “TYPICAL. HE NEVER TRIES TO DO LAUNDRY. HE DOESN’T EVEN WEAR SOCKS UNLESS HE GOES OUT!”

“I don’t know, friend,“ Chompers murmured, “All our brothers have been much more cleanly since Cuddles arrived.” He did wrinkle his nasal ridge at a self-sustaining trash tornado in the corner. “Though this is a familiar and unwelcome sight.”

You’ve begun calling Papyrus and Chompers “the twins” when they’re both home, since they hang around together, finish each other’s sentences, and often grab the other’s hand to pull them both toward something exciting. It’s adorable, and you’re glad they’re so close. “Boys, either way, I am going to clean. And I have to start here to prepare for Teddy’s room.”

They both nod sagely, then start helping you. Papyrus is getting the socks while Chompers picks individual pieces of trash out of the tornado. You, meanwhile, are untangling the ball of sheets on top of the mattress. How did Sans even get any sleep without blankets? Did he tangle these himself? You don’t know if you could sleep without the weight of your comforter on you.

“What do I do with this?” Chompers asks, holding up a small white dog, who seems to be asleep. “I know who this is, but he let me get him. What do we do?”

“ACK! THAT ACCURSED CANINE!” Papyrus yelps, dropping his bag of socks. “GET HIM OUT OF HERE! THE LAST THING WE NEED IN THIS MESS IS HIS CONSTERNATION!”

The dog wakes up, yips a few times then VIBRATES through Chompers’ hands and the wall to the outside.

You refuse to question anything anymore.

\--

The twins and yourself manage to get Sans’ room into a clean state. Fresh sheets and a proper blanket (you hadn’t been able to find one so you donated one of your extras), a load of laundry made entirely of mismatched socks, and a….well, a tornado in the corner with air fresheners spinning in it.

This has been a wonderful experience, actually getting the room clean, and all three of you are pleased with your efforts.

“YOU KNOW,” Papyrus thinks for a moment, “I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER SEEN MY BROTHER’S ROOM THIS TIDY.”

“I definitely haven’t seen mine’s like this.” Chompers murmurs, “Can we do his next?”

You stiffen for a second, then shake your head, “I want to move down the hall in order, mostly. So I want to do Buddy’s next. But we’ll do your brother’s after that because, heaven help us, nobody wants to go into Teddy’s.”

You get emphatic nods, and Papyrus adds, “BE GLAD YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR NOSE. WE CAN’T.”

“We have to stuff cotton in our nasal cavities!”

This makes you laugh and hug them both. Gosh, you’re so glad you took this job.


	7. zombie mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping trip with the Twins~

Going into Buddy’s room, you frown.

The mess was expected, but the broken bed frame in the corner and blank walls made you hurt. “Does he not have anything but that old mattress?”

Papyrus gave you a pat on the shoulder, “BUDDY TENDS TO BREAK SMALLER THINGS, SO HE’S NOT BEEN ABLE TO DECORATE PROPERLY. HE HASN’T EVEN ASKED FOR HELP.”

“If he had, we’d most certainly have given it,” Chompers adds softly. “Poor Buddy.”

You start picking up socks and paper plates with holes punched through, clearly from Buddy’s huge sharp finger bones. You will not stand for this. “Buddy likes flowers, right?”

“OH YES!”

“Very much.”

Nodding, you see the boys taking the broken frame apart, “Alright. As soon as we pick up the socks and trash, and then vacuum, we’re going shopping.”

“Oh,” Chompers seems upset at this, and you turn.

“And hang anything Sans has said, you’re BOTH coming with me,” you look to Papyrus, who seems excited at the idea.

“I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SHOW CHOMPERS AROUND TOWN FOR SO LONG!” He claps his hands gleefully.

“You have?” Chompers is amazed at this point.

“YES!” Papyrus puts his hands on his doppelganger’s shoulders, “THERE’S A PARK WITH LOVELY RUNNING TRACKS, AND ICE CREAM STORES, AND ALL THE LOVELY BUILDINGS IN THE OLD DISTRICT! AND ALSO, YOU ARE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, YOU SILLY GOOSE! OF COURSE I WANT TO SHARE THINGS WITH YOU.”

Chompers nods, but you can tell by the glimmering at the edge of his sockets that he’s trying not to cry.

“Yes, really, Sans can shove it if he doesn’t like this. You all deserve to get out and LIVE for once, especially if you never got to before,” you’re almost furious with him now. You understand, really. Tedddy and Needles, Axe, Buddy and Noodle, they’re clearly going to be disturbing to your average human. But Chompers is incredibly polite, very delicate and conscious of himself in relation to others. You’re taking him.

Both the boys work very hard now, and by the time you get done picking up the floor, Papyrus is already…vacuuming the ceiling. Oh. Chompers is matching the socks you picked up and smiles at you eagerly, “What sort of store are we going to? Is it a general store or more of a restaurant?”

“It’s a big box kind of store. It has groceries, but it also has stuff for houses, and we’re going to get things for Buddy so he can have a pretty room. You guys can pick out anything you want, too. Sans is certainly paying me enough I can buy you sweethearts some nice things.” He giggles softly and more energetically matches socks.

Papyrus has moved to the floor and calls, “I WILL HELP PICK OUT THINGS FOR THE OTHERS, TOO! I DO NOT WORK FOR NOTHING! WE SHALL BOTH IMPROVE THE AESTHETICS OF OUR HOUSEMATES’ ROOMS.”

“Is anyone else’s room this bare?” you ask as you start helping Chompers.

“Noodle’s room is, but that’s mostly because he can’t see it. I think if we got him some of those velvet pictures, though? He could use his fake hands to feel them,” Chompers offered, putting the socks into a trash bag you’d brought along for the purpose.

“AND NONE OF US HAVE DARED TO ENTER TEDDY’S ROOM,” Papyrus states emphatically, “IT’S FAR TOO SMELLY EVEN FOR NEEDLES.”

“Alright,” you make the last of your rounds of the room, and the boys follow suit, “Let’s get these things in to wash, and throw out the trash. Then we’re getting in Papy’s car and heading to town!”

The boys cheer and rush off, and you go to change into a good shopping outfit.

***

As you’re heading out the door, Sans yelps from the arch to the living room, “uh, where are you going? with axe’s brother?”

“Papyrus and Papyrus and I are going to the store. For presents and a good time, and also because Papy wants to show his friend around.” You smile at Sans, and mentally dare him to stop you.

He looks pale, glancing from you, to his brother, to somewhere over his shoulder.

“don’t look at me, sans,” Axe’s dark tone drifts out to you. “i have no objections to my bro having fun. have a good time, pap.”

“I will, brother!” Chompers beams and he and Papyrus share a conspiratory smile.

“i…” Sans’ eye lights are very small, and you suddenly realize he may be having a panic attack as his bones rattle. “I guess that’s….that’s fine. uh….”

“Sans?” you and Papyrus say it at the same time, and he snaps himself to attention as if startled.

“huh?”

“Hey, who’s all in the living room?” you call to Axe specifically, and he answers.

“me’n buddy.”

“Buddy, pick this Sans over here up and hold him like a baby till he stops shaking. If it takes more than five minutes, one of you go get a blanket and keep it going,” you’re not going to stop your trip, but you won’t let Sans have a panic attack alone. “Sans, hey, it’s going to be okay. Cousins, right? Because your mom had a twin sister, and that’s why they look alike, right?”

Your hands on his shoulders as Buddy lumbers closer, Sans nods, “y-yeah. cousins…cousins is good. but what if…?”

“Sans, it won’t happen,” you look in his sockets and get very serious. “I love your brother. I love Chompers. I won’t let anything go wrong while we’re out, and I know the importance of keeping this place secret. I wouldn’t put you or any of the monsters here in danger for my life.”

You’re half surprised that you mean that. Even Axe and Teddy, who’ve disgusted you and pushed you away, have become a welcome staple in your day.

Buddy picks Sans up and rumbles softly, cradling the smaller skeleton with happy eye lights.

“Thanks, Buddy. You take care of him for me, okay? And Sans?” you call and get a grunt of acknowledgement from Axe, “I’m putting you in charge of protecting the house while I’m gone. Anybody dusts and I blame you.”

“hehehe, wouldn’t have it any other way,” he replies, and you hear him shift on the couch.

“Okay.” You usher the worried Papyri (papyruses? You aren’t sure) out the door and then have the car owner lead the way.

***

Papyrus is quiet while he drives, at least until you get out of the forest. “WELL, DEAR FRIEND AND ALSO HUMAN, WE ARE IN THE TOWN.”

Chompers is staring wide socketed, “Everything is so very bright and blurry!”

“Blurry?” You ask, “Chompers, honey?” You stop at a stop light, “Can you tell me what the sign on that building next to us says?”

“Um…” he gets dark orange drips of magic on his skull, “n…no.” You’ve never heard Chompers get this quiet, and Papyrus makes a concerned, “NYEH” as well.

“Chompers, while we’re out here, we need to get you glasses. Or at least think about scheduling you to see a professional for a proper prescription.” You know how hard it is to see without YOUR glasses. You don’t want to imagine how he’s been struggling in silence up till now.

Dang, your boys are falling apart on you today.

Chompers whimpers, “I…really, I’m fine. After all, I’ve survived this long without them and…a-and…”

Papyrus pulls into a parking lot and parks very diligently before turning around, “Friend,” his tone is soft and open, gentle as a lamb, “you can tell me anything. You know this. And Cuddles cares a great deal about you, as well. Let us know what is troubling you.”

Sniffling, Chompers wipes his sockets in vain, “When your brother finds a way to send us all back, I…I might not get to keep them. Even if I do, it’s going to be…h-h-hard, having that reminder of better days. It’s…it’s why I haven’t pushed harder to leave or done anything about my teeth either. I don’t want to make progress if I don’t g-get to stay.”

It’s not even a second before you’ve leaned your seat all the way back and climbed over to hug him. “Chompers, baby, you….oh stars, you deserve to be able to see! And if you want your teeth fixed, you can do that. No matter what happens, I don’t want you to deny yourself this chance. You might have to go back, some day, but it’s not today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime soon. So live for now, okay? Let yourself be happy instead of worrying about a future that might not come in the way you think it will.”

He clung to you and nuzzled into your hair, whimpering. Papyrus frowned and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel of his bright red convertible, thinking. You mostly kept hugging the tearful giant in front of you and telling him he deserved to be happy.

Because he did.

They all did.

Stars, nobody deserved to be stuck in hell like these guys had been. And if it was up to you, they never would have to go back to it. Not after so long being relatively free and happy, living a real life instead of scraping by.

\--

After about fifteen minutes of reassurance, Chompers composed himself and said you could continue on your outing, apologizing for losing control of himself.  
“NO NEED FOR APOLOGIES, FRIEND! WE BOTH ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU THROUGH ALL THINGS,” Papyrus asserted, and you continued driving to the store.

It was just Walmart, but the look on Chompers’ face made you think he’d stepped into Candyland.

“Everything is here…everything!” He rushed to the flowers and the vegetables and began to cry again, but he was elated. “Look! There are actual roses and they have peppers that are so big! And so many kinds of greens and fruit and….and…oh stars it’s beautiful!”

You and Papyrus gently guide him through all the grocery aisles just to help him get used to it. “This is what the surface is like, friend,” Papyrus says gently. “Milk is white and sweet and creamy instead of watery and blue and pollen-y. Instead of just crab apples, there are sweet and sour and crunchy kinds in all sorts of colors!”

Chompers hugs him and you feel your soul reaching for him in bitter-sweet affection. “Papyrus, this…stars, it’s more than I could have ever imagined back there. We really won’t starve here. Really for real abso-positively-lutely.” 

Nodding and humming softly, despite the humans staring at them, Papyrus pats his back, “Of course you won’t. Not while you’re part of MY family, most certainly.”  
“And not when you’re part of mine either,” You add as you squeeze Chompers’ hand gently. “You and your brother won’t ever want for anything. Even if he is a grouch.” This makes him laugh softly, and you grin. There’s your happy boy.

You let Chompers push the cart as you and Papyrus pic up things you need for the house. A small dorm fridge so you can store your food in it without having to look at meat goes in, and some DVDs that Chompers seems excited by and Papyrus happily agrees to watch with him, as well as nine new comforters because YOU WILL MAKE THEM ALL COMFORTABLE!

Papyrus is curious about the ninth one. “Why did you pick an extra?”

“Because the not-Sans will probably come back, and if I have a peace offering, he won’t be as likely to hurt anybody,” you explain. “Plus, if he’s living on his own out in the woods, he needs a decent blanket.”

“I’d forgotten about him,” Chompers adds. “You’re so very good at caring for skeletons, Cuddles. We’re quite lucky Sans remembered you for the job.”

Chuckling you continue your shopping trip with the boys in peace. You do have to glare at the cashier for staring at Chompers for a rudely long time, but they don’t say anything, so you forgive them. You couldn’t exactly take your eyes off him when you first saw him either.


	8. A Lack of Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in this house is always interesting

You have put up posters and made everyone’s bed with the new comforters.

Except Teddy’s.

Because Teddy’s room honestly makes you want to puke before you even open the door.

“Teddy, you don’t get your new blanket until you clean your room.”

He looks up from where he’s smacking Papyrus’ Animal Crossing villagers with a bug net, “what?”

You tap your foot, “Look, bud, I know you’re a carnivore, but your room smells like a dingo den. Go clean it, or I won’t give you the blanket I bought you while I was out with the twins.”

The hulking skeleton rose up, shutting the tiny DS in his hands with a flick of his wrist, “thought cleaning was supposed to be your job, morsel.”

“Teddy, you told me yourself you don’t eat human anymore.” You are not letting this stink machine get away with it just because he’s big and can be scary.

He looms over you and leers in your face, “you sure about that? could always have a…” you shudder as he licks your cheek, “slip up.”

“That was gross. Apologize and go clean your room,” you stand firm. Buddy is literally right behind you in his chair and you trust him to at least stop Teddy if he tried to hurt you. Not that he will. You’re 89% sure none of the skeletons here have any ill will toward you anymore, besides Axe.

Teddy stared at you, red eye lights burning….and then sighed. “fine. just…give me a day or two?”

“No. Now, or I will hide the fridge and only tell your brother where your meat is,” you were not to be trifled with.

He whined, but nodded and left, and Buddy made a weird noise that you realized was his version of laughing. Smiling, you lean back against his chair and hum, “Well, I didn’t get my head bitten off. Yay me?”

Buddy pats you, in an actual gentle manner, and garbles something that sounds smug. It makes you giggle even though you still haven’t been able to understand a thing.

Swiping the DS, you go about fixing the damage to the relationships that Teddy had caused while sitting on the arm of Buddy’s chair. He rumbles in a pleased way and dozes off watching you play.

-

Sans is worried.

He hasn’t seen Dusty in a long time and having someone that unhinged loose is wearing on his last nerve. Figuratively, but even the irony of his word choice isn’t helping right now.

He’s out in the woods, looking for his murderous double.

But he doesn’t expect to find the care package Cuddles left Dusty, clearly opened and used.

The comforter is gone, but the note is left. It has a little sunflower doodled on the corner, and Sans picks it up to read it.

“Hey, Sans-looking guy.  
I know you’re out here without anything, so I got you a blanket. Thank you for not murdering me earlier, and please continue with that show of good will.  
I got you some non-perishable food stuff in here, too, in case you were hungry.  
Don’t die on me! I’m supposed to take care of the skeletons around here.  
-Cuddles, the human from the kitchen.”

Sans chuckled, leaving the note where he’d found it, then walked back home.

It was proof Dusty was still out here, as there weren’t wrappers scattered around from any animals getting into the package, and the twine around it had been cut rather than torn or ripped off. So that was all Sans needed for now.

While he wouldn’t have been TOO upset if Dusty had…well, dusted, he needed to know the guy was at least still in the general vicinity of the house. And clearly, he was.

-

“Since when can skeletons get sick?” you worriedly ask as Sans ushers Papyrus back to bed when he’d woken up sniffly and sneezing.

“since worrying became a thing,” he answers, and you follow him and Papy back down the hall from the kitchen. “we’re pretty susceptible to stress, and bro here has taken on too much at once.”

“BUT SANS,” Papyrus whimpered as he was tucked into bed, his arms barely strong enough to cuddle his teddy bear (that you had won for him from a claw machine at the store), “WHAT IF THEY CAN’T CARRY ALL THE FURNITURE WITHOUT ME?”

“Papy,” you coo as Sans shakes his head, “I don’t know where you work, but I’m sure they would rather have you at your best than tired and shaky. You could hurt yourself like you are right now.”

“HMMM,” he sniffles, making you notice the orange discharge around his nasal cavity, “FINE….I AM RATHER…RATHER TIRED. THIS MORNING.” Already his sockets were drifting closed, and you smile at him.

“Sleep a little more, Papy. It’s healing and will do you good. Chompers and I can handle cooking today.” You back away as he starts snoring and turn out the light with Sans standing next to you as you shut the door. “Wow, the poor guy’s super sick if he’s back asleep already.”

“yeah, he gets this way every so often if he’s been pushing himself. if they’re moving furniture, it’s probably the job he got with undyne being movers. Those two can move a whole house if they want to, but most humans would rather just take the furniture,” Sans sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

Axe comes walking down the hall, looking confused, “did I just hear you two saying papyrus was sick?”

“This Papyrus, Sans, not yours,” you smile at him and he lifts a brow bone at you before looking at your Sans.

“they’re right. my bro’s been pushing himself too hard and got magic overload.” Sans sighs, and Axe nods, but the slightly worried expression doesn’t leave.

“well, it’s better than seeping, right? so he’s not in any danger, just weak and sniffling?” You feel yourself light up at the concern in the other skeleton’s voice. Out of everyone, you’d expected the least amount of empathy from him, but he was happily proving you wrong.

“yeah. he’ll be fine with a couple days rest and some decent food. Don’t really have to worry about that much anymore thanks to cuddles.” Sans chuckles, but you can tell his heart isn’t in being happy right now.

Axe looks at you, and for once he doesn’t seem hostile, “he’s right, y’know. We’ve all been eating better thanks to you. strange as that seems t’me.” 

Sans has shuffled off, and you murmur to Axe, “I appreciate you saying that. I was worried you’d hate me forever.”

“nah, i have better taste than that,” but instead of smiling creepily, he just winks and walks off, “now c’mon, with main line out of commission, it’s up to you and my bro to get food ready. I wanna watch.”

Chompers was already rattling around in the kitchen, so you hurried after Axe with a spring in your step. You’d be glad to take care of Papy, and even more glad to know your grouchiest tenant was finally giving you some leeway.

-

You start to make some soup after finishing breakfast for yourself and Sans, with Chompers and Axe having gotten their own cereal before you could finish yours. On hearing that his counterpart was sick, Chompers insisted on helping you as well. Axe sat at the table and did some of the crossword from today’s paper (how it got here, you don’t know), and it was generally a quiet day

But Chompers was busy telling you about some escapade the boys had been up to before you came and he burned his arm on the pot for the soup. You HEARD the hit to his HP, and both you and Axe went straight to action at the strangled “Owie…”

“what happened?!” 

“Get that under some water, hon!” 

Chompers ran his arm under the sink, an angry orange mark on his ulna, but said softly, “I’m okay. I’ve done worse before, it’s fine.”

Axe was distressed, clearly, but his brother had it handled, and you got out the first aid kit which…only had monster candy in it?!

“Oh dear…well, I guess I’ll get some human supplies the next time we go out, but here.” You unwrap the candy and hand it over to Chompers, who reluctantly eats it. As soon as he swallows, the mark on his arm vanishes as if it had never been.

“Cuddles, did you not know monster candy can heal human wounds, too?” He asks you as you cover the pot and turn the burner down to a simmer.

“they haven’t had a lot of experience with monsters, bro.” Axe offers, but you see his accusatory look. He may have softened up on you, but he still doesn’t trust you.

“No, I haven’t, to my own detriment,” you confess, cleaning up the counters. “It just never came up before, and I never made the effort. My Sans is the only monster I’ve gotten to know deeper than just saying hi, before you guys. And believe me, I’m understanding my mistake more every day.”

“the mistake of taking this job?” Axe needles you.

“No,” you smile at him despite his sneer, “the mistake of not taking time to get to know more monsters. Even as harrowing as it can be here,” You feel Chompers hug you from behind and grin more, “every day is a gift. I learn new things, and I get to know each of you guys better. I wouldn’t trade that for all the tea in China.”

Axe and Chompers are quiet for a moment, then your tall sweetie asks, “How much tea is that?”

You laugh and start explaining the saying.


	9. Grey Gyftmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the holidays are approaching and a lot of connections are being made  
> (also remember, this Dusty is my personal version and not meant to reflect anybody else's. my dusty is a lot more sad than scary, just fyi)

In the night, your room was dark, quiet, peaceful.

You’d long been asleep, exhausted after tending to the usual household mess and also nursing Papyrus’ illness.

That’s just what they’d been waiting for, actually.

Dusty teleported in and huffed softly as he watched his brother float over and pet your head. “pap, why do you like them so much? they’re just a human. Another bundle of exp.”

This made the ghostly skeleton frown and stick his tongue out at his brother before continuing. You even responded to the chilled touch of the spirit, curling your blankets in closer to yourself despite smiling a bit at being pet.

“ugh. well, they do have a kind streak, I’ll give you that,” he whispered, looking around. “and they’re even sleeping in a blanket rattier than my coat. Bad quality, threads coming loose…you’d think they’d have bought themselves a blanket rather than one for us.”

The ghost smiled happily, smoothing out your blankets and covering your exposed foot at the bottom. Whatever his opinions of you were, Dusty was convinced his brother loved you. And he wasn’t going to take away that happiness, not again. 

“so what do we do, eh?” he asked, scanning idly over the titles of your books. “we can’t leave, and these guys aren’t likely to come near us. We need more supplies.”

Zooming over to you desk, the spirit skeleton moved some of the pens till he picked up a sparkly one, beginning to write.

“bro, really?” Dusty sighed and rubbed his sockets, “okay, fine, leave them a note. but I’m stealing their copy of the first harry potter. Been wanting to see what the fuss was about for ages.” It was really more a way to convince himself he wasn’t just as interested in this strange human as his brother, but theft was a fun prank to play on anybody, in his mind.  
So saying, he vanished with the book, and Ghost put a small happy ghost drawing on his note before slipping through the wall.

\--

“Sans, did you do this?” you offer the note you found this morning to him and watch his expression.

“eh?” he takes the paper and reads it, though you already know what it says.

“DEAR HUMAN!  
THANK YOU FOR THE BLANKET AND FOOD, EVEN THOUGH WE’RE STILL HAVING SOME TROUBLE IN THAT LAST DEPARTMENT.  
MY BROTHER IS BORROWING YOUR BOOK, AND I HOPE WE CAN BE ALLOWED TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON. MAYBE WITH GROCERIES? OR NOT!  
PAPYRUS.”

“what?” Sans seems just as confused as you were, and shakes his head. “I’d never be able to write in caps for this long, or this neatly. You’ve seen my handwriting.”

“Yeah, well…I just don’t know who did it, though. Because one of my books IS missing and it worries me that one of you guys was in my room while I was asleep.” Really, it only worried you that it might have been someone who you DIDN’T know in your room, rather than one of your housemates, but as far as you knew, none of the Papyri (papyruses?) knew how to teleport, though the other boys did. You’d learned Teddy could just yesterday when he popped up suddenly and made you drop a pan of water on your foot, and you guessed Axe could, too but….

“uh…” Sans gave you the note back and a small, nervous smile, “we’ll look into it. double check the locks and maybe set up some tin can lines?”

You snort softly, but nod, glad for such a silly suggestion when you’d been getting worried, “Heehee, sure. I’ll put the next book in the series under a box trap, too.”

You carefully folded the note, still a little confused and wary, even as you smile at the adorable ghost doodle at the bottom. It looks kind of like a Haunter from Pokemon, but with a Papyrus skull instead of a weird fuzzy head.

You’d ask Papy about it, but he was too sick to get up, so it clearly wasn’t him, and Chompers had already said he didn’t do it either (though he agreed it was a cute drawing and very Haunter like).

All you could really say about it was that you appreciated that a note was left, at least if they were going to borrow your book while you were asleep.

\--

“how much do you know?”

You jumped as you were putting the laundry in for the third load and Sans appeared behind you.

The Laundry room was in a shed in the garden area, so pretty removed from the rest of the house. Cornering you in here was not very nice.

“Sans, you nearly scared me to death!” with a huff, you shut the lid of the washing machine, “And what are you talking about? What do I know about what?”

“you knew I was scared about papyrus being seen out with crooks. You knew it was because of how much they look alike,” he didn’t look amused, if you had to be honest. Sans hardly ever changed his expression, but now his browbones were pressed together in an almost angry grimace. “how much do you know?”

“Enough.” You sigh and sit on the white lawn chair that someone had dragged in here. “There just can’t be that many monsters with the same name in one place. Not…I mean, I know Ice Caps are all named that but you and Papyrus have different names so obviously skeleton monsters don’t have that tradition but….”

“you’re right, you’re right,” Sans sighed and leaned against the wall, squinting a little in the dim single bulb before rubbing his sockets. “okay, what else?”

“I don’t know WHY so many of them are here, or where they came from, but it’s clear they aren’t from the same underground you came from. Their stories don’t match anything else I’ve heard or even things Papy has told me. And they don’t match each other either. Buddy and Noodle are so…” you can hardly find the words now that you’re being asked to put all your jumbled puzzle pieces out on the table, “twisted, physically, but only the amalgamates from your underground even come close to it. Needles and Teddy both say there was an illness that made them crave human flesh, but Chompers says it was because of a famine that they had to eat people. And you and Papy are from the underground where nobody ate humans and things were peaceful and happy, while all the others clearly come out of some kind of turmoil, even that not-you with the dirty coat.”

“it’s not dirt,” Sans says softly as you turn to look at him. “that stuff clinging to him…it’s monster dust.”

“You mean he-!”

“yeah. that’s why….when he talked to me the night he showed up, he laughed and told me to call him dusty.”

“Dusty…” you shudder, despite having grown up in a town where that was a normal, everyday name. 

“So you know something’s up but not what. and you didn’t ask?” Sans seems bewildered.

A deep breath helps steady you, as does a small wipe down your face, “It’s not my place to pry, Sans. I stay in my lane, and my lane is to take care of you guys. Do I wonder about all those secrets of yours? Sure, but it’s not important.”

“how is it not? You live in a house full of deadly monsters, with rooms you can’t go to, and yet you’re okay with that?” Disbelief didn’t cover his tone, but his eye lights were dim and shaky. He was frustrated.

“Sans, I trust you,” you feel helpless. What more does he want you to say? “I trusted you to help me out, and I trust you to tell me if something is going to affect me. You’re always acting like I’m going to snap or something lately and it hurts, because I’ve put my literal life in your hands by staying here. But if you want to keep secrets, I don’t care, so long as you trust me back.”

It feels good to let this out. It’s been bothering you for a long time

He just looks at you for a while, then collapses into an empty basket. “to patella the truth, that’s a lot more of an ask than you know, cuddles.” That was the tone you knew best. That voice was Sans when he was tired to the point of not caring.

“Well, considering you asked me to live in a house with known murderers, I don’t think it’s that much. But it’s in your court now, Sans. I can’t force you to trust me, but I won’t stop caring about them no matter what you tell me. You made me part of this very bizarre family, whether you meant to or not.”

He nodded, and the two of you sat in a sad, befuddled silence as the laundry washed.

\--

Maybe you’d been around the skeletons too long, but you’d forgotten get your medicine.

And you didn’t realize it until you opened your pill box and found it barren.

“Uh oh.”

You knew this meant you had to go into town.

But you also knew you didn’t want to go alone. You HATED waiting in line at the pharmacy alone, and paying for things like your…..well, it wasn’t what you used it for but it’s called birth control? That made you nervous. Because people judged you for that kind of thing even if they never SAID anything. Or that’s what your anxiety said at least.

Now you wished you didn’t live in a house with only male monsters.

“what’s got you upset, sugar?” Axe is standing at your door again.

“I have to go pick up my medication. And I have to go alone.” The idea really was bothering you. “I hope Papyrus doesn’t mind me borrowing his car…” oh heck that meant you had to drive, too. More anxiety.

“don’t have a coronary, cuddles,” he shook his head and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a hat? A five nights at Freddy’s sock hat, to be precise, so now he looked like there was a bear on his head…and covering his injury. “if it’s going to make you have a panic attack, I’ll just come with you. I can drive…sort of.”

“Sort of?” you were too hopeful of a companion to question too much, but…

“haven’t been able to leave since a close call with sans’ buddy, alphys, at my old job. Was too close to home, I guess,” he shrugs, and you follow him, “that was a few months before you showed up, so….yeah. bit rusty.”

You nod and start to relax a bit. While he’s not your favorite housemate, Axe is very level headed and disinterested in causing trouble. Pranks in the vein of “dead frog in the desk”? Yeah, he’d do that. But beyond the dark humor and the small remaining chip on his shoulder about you, you were pretty comfortable with him by now.

“bro?” he looks into Chompers’ room, where the big baby is intently reading a manual on monster health. He’s been very interested in the subject lately, and you think it’s because of Papyrus getting sick.

“Yes, brother? Oh, and Cuddles! Hello!” He’s happy, and you feel instantly better seeing him smile. Your first impression of him has long melted away into utter fondness.

“I’m takin’ cuddles to pick up their medicine. You need anything from the store?”

Chompers popped up from his bed instantly and retrieved a paper from his desk. “How lucky! Yes, I was just wanting some knitting supplies! It’s getting close to Gyftmas after all!”  
You want to ask what Gyftmas was, but Axe grabs the paper and teleports you both away before you can.

\--

“was a time you would’a been on your own, cuddles.” He seems a little awkward all the way into town.

“I know, Sans.” you aren’t really thinking about that, though. “But, if it’s not a sensitive subject, what is Gyftmas?”

“heh,” he shakes his head, but his focus is laser tight on the road. “you humans have a similar holiday called Christmas. But ours isn’t some dude’s birthday. Was a monster called gyftrot that some kids in snowdin tormented. Locals felt bad for ‘im, so they left presents under a tree to cheer him up. then we just expanded it to include everybody in snowdin. And…well,” he looks at you briefly, but seems to decide against what he was going to say, “it’s weird how you guys got the same thing in the secular parts’a Christmas, Santa and everything. Was a wild ride finding out about all the religious mumbo-jumbo you guys have around it, though. Nothin’ like that underground.”

You’d been raised religious, kept a few of the things that felt right to you and became disillusioned with the rest as you got older, so you just shrugged and nodded. An understandable reaction.

“so gyftmas is like Christmas, but for monsters. we even decided to celebrate it the same day for convenience, especially since all’a the human stores are closed then so we’d all get off.”

“That’s pretty cool.” You see the store come up and feel Axe relax next to you, “I’m kind of looking forward to the holidays now that I have someone to celebrate it with again, so I’m definitely getting you guys presents. Call it whatever you like holiday-wise, my love language is gift-giving and I won’t miss this opportunity!”

“ehehe, well….never heard of LOVE being shared through a gift before,” he parks and looks at you as he turns the car off (apparently he had one? You still didn’t know where the guys kept their vehicles or even how many there were.) Somehow the way he said “LOVE” bothered you and you opened the door as soon as you got your seat-belt off.

\---

Having Axe with you made you both more nervous and more secure as you went through the line. He would make various dark quips about the medicines around, or be silent and just watch the people around you. You were glad there was a slime monster pharmacist at this Walmart, as you didn’t ever worry about a monster judging you like you did a human, and seeing Axe seemed to make the slime burble happily.

“oh, uh, sorry, chief, but i’m his cousin, and she’s my maid, not my date.”

Your whole face turned bright red, “Oh gosh, no. He’s just my ride!”

The slime wiggled a bit, then handed your medicine to you after you paid. Monsters didn’t understand the idea of paying for healthcare, but they were always so very helpful if they chose to take jobs in that field. Even this embarrassment was a mild thing compared to the evil things you were sure another human would have thought about you, coming to get medications like yours with a male monster in tow.

“Stars bless you, and happy holidays!” you told the slime, who hopped a bit in place in reply as you left.

“hehehe, can’t believe they thought a snack like you would be with me….or that lightweight, to be honest.” His raspy voice sounded a little embarrassed, but you snorted at his use of ‘snack’ for you. You weren’t a snack in any sense.

“More like a full six course meal, Sans. And yeah, it kind of confused me, too. I don’t know you well enough to have even friendly chemistry between us be obvious to me, so how did the pharmacist think we were dating? Or that you were the other Sans? You two are nothing alike.”

You’d taken a basket as you were talking, deciding to buy your holiday gifts while you were out, but Axe grabbed the handle and held fast.

“why do you say that, cuddles?” the red ring of his eye light is on you, intense and studying. “you know how much we look alike, especially without the obvious tell for me.” He motioned to his head, and you nodded.

“But that’s only for people who just glance, Sans. For one, your eye light is totally different,” he snorted and let go so you could keep walking. “And you have a deeper, and kinda scratchy voice. You put your words together differently, and your bone structure is a lot more…uh…what is that word?” You hate looking for a word when you KNOW IT.

“frail?” he drawls humorlessly.

“No, no….” you search for a bit before you grin, “Willowy! That’s it. It’s thin, but more flexible. I feel like you could do a lot better at fitting into tight places than the other Sans.”

He blinks a lot, then huffs and shakes his head. This is a gesture set you’ve seen him do a lot, at least when he’s confused or startled. You wonder if he knows he does that?

“heheheh. You’re a real peach, you know that? so sweet and syrupy.” His grin isn’t mean, but teasing this time. He’s just poking fun at you for being more sentimental than he is. 

You’re more than happy to shoot a beam back his way and get that soft, reluctant laugh he does when he’s actually having fun.

\--

You get all your presents (minus Axe’s) easily. Chompers is even easier than anybody else’s because Axe genuinely was helping you. “my brother is probably going to knit everyone something, but he’ll never expect anything back. Unlike the other papyrus, he prefers individual hobbies, so…..”

He tossed you a latch hooking kit, “you get him that, and he’ll love you forever. He’s never tried that, and new experiences make him happy. I already got him somethin’ so…go ahead.”

“Thank you for helping, Sans,” it was so much better for him to help than stubbornly block your way like he tried to do sometimes in the beginning.

But other than Chompers’, he doesn’t offer any advice for the others.

“Was Gyftmas fun as a kid, Sans?” you ask.

“wouldn’t know. retrograde amnesia does that to a guy,” he shrugged, and you felt your soul squeeze.

“I didn’t realize. I’m sorry, Sans.”

“nah, it’s fine. it’s mostly just the last couple’a years that I can’t remember, but the blow took a little bit from everything before that too. gyftmas I can’t remember, but I can tell you exactly where I buried my pirate treasure back in third grade.” He really does seem okay with it, but you still feel bad for bringing it up.

“I’m just glad you survived, Sans,” you mutter, and he sighs and looks down. “I don’t want to imagine what your brother would have been like without you, much less our house.”

“what do I contribute to the house?” he scoffed as you both walked to the car, you with a pile of bags in your hands and him with his hands in his pockets.

“Your glowing personality?” you tease, and he rolls his eye light at you. “Okay, but….honestly, I know that if I need someone to hold a line with something important, you’ll do it. If it’s for the safety of the house, even if it’s mostly for your Papy’s sake, I know you won’t budge if you can help it. You’re reliable, Sans.”

He slides into the driver’s seat and chuckles, “well, at least you’re creative with the compliments. Never had the term reliable applied to me before.”

You just shrug. “I call it like I see it, Sans.”

He seems more pleased than awkward on the drive back.

\--

“classic, you need to spell it out for them.”

Axe hated to say it, but Cuddles was….well, they’d gotten far too close to tearing down his walls and he didn’t want that. They’d leave if they knew for sure. Knew it wasn’t a forever thing, this mish-mash household from different universes.

“they’ve pretty much already put it together themselves. why should i put in the effort?” Sans was rubbing his sockets, tired from worrying about his brother.

“because,” Axe hissed softly as the two stood together in the empty kitchen, “even you can see that we’re all getting far too deep into this. you can feel the change in this place. they need to know it’s going to end permanently one of these days.”

“no time soon, axe, and you know it. it still had enough energy going the wrong way to spit out dusty, so I definitely can’t send you guys back yet. Though if I had some help-“

Axe grabbed his empty socket hard and gritted his teeth, “DON'T. YOU. DARE. suggest that I help send my brother back to that hellhole we came from.” His smile was too big, too tight against his skull, and his one eye light was a red pinprick in the void inside him. “I will never, ever, raise one digit to this stupid crusade of yours. teddy and needles don’t want to go back, we don’t even have a way to ASK if buddy and noodle do, and you can be sure as hell dusty would rather be here with fresh targets. You scanned the world he came from, you know it was lifeless.”

“just the underground,” sans said lamely, the fury in his broken mirror making him lose his nerve. “would you not want your life back to normal in my place, though?”

“no,” Axe slowly unclenched his fingers one by one, “I’d be fixing it to send everybody out of that place, me included. You may think you know us, classic, but you don’t. not even close. We may look similar, but we sure as hell aren’t the same. You’d have to be brain dead not to see that we’re different people.”

The kitchen fell silent, and they could hear Cuddles and the twins singing along with some shovelware video game on the Wii that was just glorified karaoke.

“now either you tell them,” Axe forced his shoulders to relax, “or I will. And I won’t be as nice about it.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cold Hearted Mindset](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16730592) by [WhiskerFrisker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskerFrisker/pseuds/WhiskerFrisker)




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